Male Fraud

(C.L. Harrington / M. Southerland ©2000 GOC Music-BMI)

I went out one night to this cowboy bar on the lookout for a rising star

To light my fire then cool my burnin’ flame.

Through the smoky haze my eyes did fall on a cowboy who was standing tall

And I could tell he’s feeling just the same.

I knew I’d found the perfect man - he was six feet tall, gorgeous tan,

Wavy hair and crystal clear blue eyes.

His teeth were white as brand new snow, he was built for love and made for show

I figured I’d try him on for size.

He stepped up close and said “Hello,” said, “You and me babe, ready to go?”

Well I’s about as ready as ready could be.

Said he’d left his wallet at his pad,  and would I mind to get the tab

I shoulda seen it comin’ , Lordy me!

He said he drove a cadillac as we climbed in a pickup parked out back

Said the truck was just a loner, don’t ya know...

His high priced wheels were on the mend, he’d borrowed this clunker from a friend

If I’d just get out and give ‘er a push, we’d go.

Male fraud!  Male fraud!   A clear cut case of male fraud

All I got was just a pack of lies, lies, lies!

Male fraud! Male fraud!   A classic case of male fraud

What you get ain’t what they advertise.

When we pulled up at his bachelor pad I began to wonder if I’d been had

If it’d been a barn, you’da had to tear it down.

He said, “Don’tcha worry now, sweetie pie, I’m just stayin’ here ‘till the paint is dry

In my condo, on the other side of town.”

He told me that he liked my style and if I’d stay for a little while

He’d make me a star - take me to the top!

Said he didn’t want the world to know, but he’d cleaned up on Music Row

I found out later he meant with a broom and a mop.

The rest is a faded memory ‘cause I danced to close with ole Jack D.

And that evenin’ - it’s just a fuzzy dream.

When I awoke with the mornin’ light I looked around, got such a fright

I sat bolt-up and then let out a scream,

‘Cause lyin’ there in that rumpled bed was a puny runt who looked half-dead

He was not the type to capture any hearts.

He was more of a nightmare and less of a dream than anything I’d ever seen,

And the whole was a whole lot less than all the parts

Male fraud!  Male fraud!   A clear cut case of male fraud

All I got was just a pack of lies, lies, lies!

Male fraud!  Male fraud!   A classic case of male fraud

What you get ain’t what they advertise.

His high-heeled boots were on the floor, without the lifts he was five feet four

His hair was on a nightstand by the bed.

His jeans were on the back of a chair, they were padded here and padded there,

It was enough to make wish that I were dead.

His teeth were still a sparkling white as they soaked in a glass of Denture Bright,

And his twinklin’ baby blues were in a case.

He was snorin’ hard with a noisy wheeze, he was wearing baggy BVD’s,

And a stupid grin was plastered on his face.

Well, that’s the story I have to tell ‘bout a trip to heaven that went to hell,

I’ve learned some things for sure, I won’t forget.

If it’s too good to be true, it ain’t.  There’s many a sinner sounds like a saint.

And what you see ain’t always what you get...

Beware of male fraud!  Male fraud!   A clear cut case of male fraud

All I got was just a pack of lies, lies, lies!

Male fraud!  Male fraud!   A classic case of male fraud

What you get ain’t what they advertise.

Male fraud!  Male fraud!  It was a case of male fraud

Call 911 and the FBI for me!

Male fraud!  Male fraud!  It was a case of male fraud

A clear cut case - BS, CS, DD

That’s backstabbin’, corkscrewin’, and dirty dealin’, for you uninitiated...